There is this woman in one of my classes who drives me bananas. Everything she says, the God-damn condescending way she talks to our professor, the way she rambles on after said professor tries to shut her up, and even her stupid face make me want to hurl myself off of a very very tall thing.
And then I realized that everyone is annoying. Which doesn’t make her any less annoying, but. It made me think about all the annoying things I do.
Lots of annoying things I do, I probably don’t realize, because if I do them, they don’t annoy me. But I tried to think about it all objectively, since, hey, I was in class, reading a Cosmo, and what better way to spend the hour and a half than by reading about hand-jobs (or, as I call them, the seventh-grade sexual throwback) and thinking about why I suck.
I repeat stories. Like a lot more than one time. This is because a.) I am a little bit fucked with short-term memory, as in, I’m totes senile, so I forgot that I told the tale before. And also because b.) I am boring and only have like five good stories so I have to keep using them on rotation. It’s not intentional at all, but most fucking annoying things never are. And that is really fucking annoying. Like, I hate-hate-double-hate loathe when people do that to me. I’m like I KNOW YOU TOLD ME IT WAS GREAT WOWWWW COOOOL SHUT UP. So, that earns me 5 Punch-Myself-In-The-Face points.
I get unnecessarily irritated when people tell me I can’t do something. Pretty dick. 3 PMIF (I know, I know, it should be PMITF, but pee-miff sounds so much more CLASSY. Oh wait.) points.
I forget people’s birthdays. And important details about their lives. And then ask them about it over and over again. 4 PMIFs por moi.
God, this is depressing. Let’s just leave it at: everyone sucks, life’s short, let’s party.