(Don’t) Fake It ‘Till You Make It

The other day, my friend told me that she had “the really rare kind of orgasm. You know, from the inside!” It’s kind of hard to make me speechless, but I had absolutely no words. “Because most of them are always from the clit?” my friend said into the silence. “You know?”

Me being the weird little curious sexual deviant that I am, I asked around, and apparently, that’s the norm–the girls I talked to find it hard to come if it’s just straight-up no-clit-stimulation sex. Now, I am a big fan of all things to do with le c (I am really sick of typing “clit”; it sounds gross and makes me think of some kind of spiky sea creature), but personally, I don’t find it difficult to come the old-fashioned way. At all.

Which begs the question, are all these ladies just faking it every time they have vanilla sex and don’t come? Because NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I might have, maybe, faked it one time. Okay, I totally did. I admit it. I faked it because it was lasting forever and I wanted to be able to walk sometime within the next week, so I just moaned and gasped and put on a show until he stopped. And I was like, hooray! That’s that!

As usual, boy, was I wrong. The Guy in question decided to do the same boring, totally-not-doing-it-for-me maneuver that he’d been doing at the time of my Spectacular Fake Orgasm like every time after. Yeah, never making that mistake again. The moral of this story: get a Guy who’s good in bed. (Oh, yeah, and don’t fake it.)

Seriously, though, my life motto is that life is too short not to orgasm every day. I mean, why fake it when you can have the real thing? I taught myself a valuable life lesson while I was fake-coming everywhere.

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away! (Unless you’re having sex with your doctor.)

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