There are certain things I’m just a sucker for. Like being kissed on the neck, or fuzzy dogs, or…dance movies. I love dance movies. They’re kind of like superhero movies, in that I love them all, regardless of who is in it or the specific plot. If some inspired genius makes a superhero movie where they dance…well, either Earth will implode or I’ll be one happy camper.
Today, I watched a famous dance movie that I have never seen before–the cinematic masterpiece known as Honey. I will fully admit that I loved it. Why? Obviously you skipped ahead, you naughty Internet you. I don’t care if the actors are holding the scripts in their hands and mumbling every single line in Farsi (okay, I probably would, because that just sounds confusing) as long as there is lots of dancing.
This is Jessica Alba in Honey, as (wait for it) Honey:
Usually, though, she looks more like a ghetto Bratz doll in, like, giant cargo pants and tiny tank-tops. I just had to use that picture to get the attention of the perverts, and also because when I Google “Honey” there are like three pictures that aren’t the movie poster or Pooh Bear. Anyway. That’s her, and she does a lot of dancing.
You know what else she does a lot of? This.
Not that I mean she just puts earrings in for two hours. I mean that she pretty much just walks around looking pretty and talking with a hilarious faux-ghetto accent. (There is seriously a part where she says, “Their flavor is hot!” And she is not kidding. Or talking about food.) But I think Honey was just one of those cases where I like the actress so even though her part is kind of dumb I don’t care and I like it anyway. (Whereas Natalie Portman could play a role called Everything WildHearts Loves Ever Times a Million and I would still hate it.) Also, it’s a dance movie, so I auto-love it.
I love dancing. I am not good at it, but I love it. I’ve always wanted to take a class or something, but I’m a ridiculously slow learner and so I would have to learn with the five-year-olds and still get extra help. Whenever I do dance workout videos, they’re like, “Okay, step, step, and half-turn, do a magic-twisting-donkey-spiral, and jump, shake-shake, left hand behind head, right arm sweep up and over and switch! Now do it backwards!” And I’m just standing there working on “step.” Do normal people pick that stuff up? Long story short, I’m no Honey. But I think everyone can naturally just dance to good music, so that is the kind of dancing I do.
Also, I want to learn to pole dance.
Before you call me a slut–actually, fine, call me a slut–it’s supposed to be a great workout.
This is one of those posts that was supposed to be about only one thing, but I just keep rambling and rambling and rambling. And rambling. Did you really read all the way down here, Internet? Kudos to you, kudos.