Half-Drunk Is a Waste of Money

I got a little tipsy last night. And by “tispy” I mean dancing, double-fisting drunk.

Seriously, though, there are few joys in life as great as getting bombed. First of all, it makes you happy (unless you’re one of those dicks who starts crying the second the Keystone is cracked). I mean, what? Magic liquid that washes away sadness? It’s like something out of a geeky fantasy book.

Secondly, name one thing that isn’t improved with alcohol. Add “drunk” to the beginning of any activity and it becomes 1,000 times better. Sledding = drunk sledding! Dinner with the parents = drunkenly listening to old people’s stories! I mean, which sounds better to you, dancing or drunk dancing? I thought so.

Of course, this might be my raging alcoholism talking, but even though I got pretty hammered last night, I think that might be in the cards for this evening too. And, let’s be honest, tomorrow as well. Life is short, and I would rather spend my precious minutes in a Midori-sour-induced haze than any other way.

Plus (thirdly? Fourthly? I don’t know, my brain is floating in vodka instead of cerebrospinal fluid) it gives you lots of good stories. When you’re old, would you rather tell your grandkids about how you stayed in every night and played Battleship, or would you like to start stories with, “When I drank that bottle of Jack…” I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be a legend. (Whoa nelly, that sounds a little epic for a post about how much I love to drink. But you know what I mean, Internet.) Whatever, go mix yourself a little something sweet (with about 40% alcohol by volume).

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jim
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 13:10:39

    I love a drink or three. It does improve times with friends.

    But I gave up being drunk in my early 30s when, after a particularly polluted evening with a houseful of friends, my now-ex-wife accused me of making passes at a longtime female friend all night. My memories of the evening were spotty and I couldn’t say for sure what had or hadn’t happened. My old friend didn’t think I’d made any passes, but she’d been smashed too, with the attendant gaps in memory.

    The problem was really a jealous wife. But nevertheless, the experience taught me that I never, ever wanted to be unable to recount the last evening’s events!

    Reply

    • thewildhearts
      Feb 14, 2011 @ 22:58:36

      So, whoa, y’all, I just re-did this whole experience on Saturday and somehow drank half a bottle of vodka (!!!). I should’ve re-read your comments first, because it was the worst hangover ever.
      On the other foot, y’all are saying that once I get a little older my Magical Drinking Powers will go away, so I guess I’d better take advantage of them now. 😉

      Reply

  2. L.A.
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 13:22:22

    Midori Sour….that sounds good right about now.

    Reply

  3. Jason
    Feb 01, 2011 @ 22:29:16

    I think a lot of that goes away with age. In my twenties I could have a few too many on weekdays and be fine the next day. In my thirties I can’t really do that anymore.

    Reply

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