Nobody’s perfect. I mean, I come pretty damn close, but I still have some qualities that make certain people hate me.
Okay, no one hates me, ’cause I’m great, but have you ever told someone how much you loved Flight of the Conchords and they replied in disgust, “Worst. Show. Ever.”? Or said, “Gosh, I’d love to go to Bonnaroo this year,” only to have them say, “I can’t stand that kind of music”? And then even though you felt bad about it, you kind of liked them a little less? Yeah. So this is my list of things that, once I admit them to certain people, I can see them kind of going, “Mmm, yeah, this girl is not quite as cool as I thought she was.”
- I don’t like Scooby-Doo. Never have, never will. It is the most boring cartoon ever created. And I hate their stupid voices. You know who likes Scooby-Doo? Everyone ever. Hate on, haters.
- I hate cherry-flavored things. This includes lollipops. You know how many times people have given me a cherry Blow-Pop and I have to be that dick who’s like, “Nahhhh, gross”? A MILLION.
- I don’t think Megan Fox is that hot. If I had to go rouge, I would not pick her. Objectively, I can see that she is a very pretty girl, but I don’t think she is THE PRETTIEST. Again, you know who thinks she is THE PRETTIEST? Everyone ever.
- The Saw movies? Not for me.
- I am weird about going bowling. Like, I abso-fucking-lutely hate it if it’s not with the right group of people. You’d have to drag me by my hair to the bowling alley if you’re not going with a really solid crew.
Oh, man. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Maybe the beloved People of the Internet are all currently eating cherry Blow-Pops while watching Saw IV and planning bowling dates, and now they’re gonna be mad.
But what can I say: