Sexter (That Was Really Lame. Sorry.)

I have become a little bit obsessed with Dexter.

For those People of the Internet who haven’t had the pleasure of watching, Dexter is about a blood spatter-ologist who moonlights as a serial killer. But he’s a good serial killer, ’cause he only slays baddies who deserve it. Also he has no feelings, but he wants to have feelings, which seems to me to be almost the same as having feelings. Wow, I just typed “feelings” a lot. Anyway.

I’m not usually super into cop shows, and Dexter’s sister is a cop and he works for the police, but it’s not that kind of thing at all. Like, people don’t stand around all dramatically drinking black coffee and mumbling, “I’m gonna catch that bastard!” It’s more like Dexter stands there drooling over the latest murder he’s cataloging while his boss says, “Get that creepy fucking smile off your face, Dexter!” I mean, seriously, I’m only on the first season, but how they haven’t noticed that Dexter has a huge fucking boner for death is beyond me. He literally just grins at all the dismembered bodies the police show him and is all like, “Awwww, yeah. Can’t wait ’till I get off work to do some of this myself!”

Also, he’s sexy. He kind of has a Cro-Magnon thing going on in the facial region, but mmm, that body. He can not have feelings for me anytime.

The only thing I don’t really like about Dexter is Dex’s girlfriend. She has this horrible breathy voice that makes me want to stab her. Or maybe that’s just the show’s violence getting to me. Nope, wait, I still want to stab her. Seriously, she’s so God-damn simpering and breathless all the fucking time. Like, what, do you run everywhere with a rehabilitating asthma condition? I hope Dexter kills her soon.

But, besides her dumb voice, it is a new favorite show. Also it takes place in Miami, so there is lots of fun Spanish music. And a Spanish dude with a speech impediment, which is also fun.

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