Craigslist can be a creepy fucking place. I mean, everyone’s soliciting sex and trying to sell their 400-strong collection of homemade glass dildos and not-so-secretively looking for illegal immigrants to work in their pizza shop. It is just a bizarre corner of the Internet.
But sometimes, it’s awesome. I have no idea what part of Craigslist this was posted on, or who said it, and I don’t care, because it’s pure genius. Some rando wrote a post called Just Fucking Fuck Me, Already, and it is glorious.
Basically, it is some lady giving a heads-up to dudes about what women want in bed. And she is spot-on. I could sum it up with “stop trying to be all nice and sensitive and just give a lady a good pounding,” but then you would miss the hilarious nuance (like “It’s OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise.”). So go read it.
Side note: while I totally, 110% agree with all of her advice, she says, “Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well.” In my own experience, that’s not totes magoats true; I know a ton of girls who waaayyy prefer the kind of slow, sensual, romantic shit that is my kryptonite (as in, generally not my thing, not as in, “Ooh it’s so great it just kills me!”). So I can kind of see some poor dude being like, “Okay, lady!” and then getting charged with rape. Awwk-ward. But then he can just write a “Missed Connections” seeking “Girls who won’t press rape charges” and it’ll all be fine. Right? Right.