I like wearing fancy lingerie under regular clothes. It makes me feel sexy and old-fashioned. Especially in comparison to everyone else; today, people are pretty slobbish (is that a word? No, but go with it). Maybe there were lots of slobby girls back in the ’30s and ’40s too, but whenever I see pictures they all have perfect pin-curled hair and red lipstick and high-heeled shoes. So either the photographers were too busy drooling over the dressed-up hotties to take photos of the sloppy plain girls, or–my theory–everyone was fancy and great and there were no slobs.
I mean, I understand that everyone has a different sense of style. And that some ladies are just not into lingerie. I heard of these people called “tom-boys” which are, I guess, girls who don’t like being girly? (Isn’t that crazy?) No, but seriously, I understand. Ish. Since I am not one of those people at all and would wear a garter belt everywhere if that was a less-weird thing to do. (Damn it, tom-boys. If it weren’t for you I could wear a negligee and house slippers to I-Hop and no one would care.)
It kind of makes me want to go back in time and see if all the pretty girls (on a Saturday night…dun dun nuun. No? Don’t know that song? You should probably get out of these parenthesis then) actually were dressed up all the time, or if they were lazy fucks just like people are now. Even Marilyn Monroe probably slouched around in boxers and a giant Notre Dame hoodie.
Now that I’m typing all this, though, I guess it is pretty stellar that when I did eat five bags of Doritos (don’t judge me! Have you had the pizza-flavored ones? THEY TASTE JUST LIKE PIZZA; IT’S KIND OF AMAZING, and also, how do they get all that pizza flavor in a tiny chip?!? OF COURSE I ate
seventeen five bags) I can wear pajama pants and a sweatshirt and nobody gives an EFF-YOU-SEE-KAY.
Long story short, um, wear whatever you want, and Happy Mother’s Day, or something? I don’t really know where I was going with any of this. Please buy me corsets.