Just Wanted to Let the Internet Know…

…That I don’t really care for the look of shaved balls.

THERE. I SAID IT. IT’S OUT THERE. Phew, what a relief!

No, seriously. Thanks to the lady-porn machine that is Tumblr, my eyes were assaulted by two (two!) pairs of hairless balls doing some nasty things. I was like, “Scroll down, scroll, ooh a kitten, scroll, haha memes, scroll, HOLYHAIRLESSBALLSACKSBATMAN!”

This was the cat's reaction to seeing so much naked freeballing.

This, of course, caused me to reflect on the many different forms of ball-scaping I have seen. Which is that all the balls I have encountered had some hair. Not, like, Jumangi hair (with one horrible notable exception that shall never be spoken of again…aside from in my 82-chapter tell-all book, In the Forest, The Mighty ForestOf Pubes!, coming soon!). But hair.

You know what hairless balls look like? Tumors. Or two naked mole rats in a very awkward place. Or a flesh-toned bottle-nose dolphin.

So now you know my long-awaited opinion on waxed balls. You’re welcome.


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