First of all, let me apologize for yet another gigundo absence. I was off visiting people and doing things and putting the finishing touches on my crystal meth lab, and it got kind of hectic. Plus sometimes I just can’t think of anything good to say, so I just Tumble pictures instead. But anyway.
So, I have this thing that bothers me, and it’s the phrase, “Real women have curves.”
Okay, listen. That is just not true. Some women have curves, and then there’s the other 92% who are some variation on skinny or fat (Google it–only 8 or 9% of women have an hourglass shape). Like, that phrase is just a stupid way of saying that women have boobs and butts, but what pisses me off about that is 1.) I hate when super-fat people call themselves curvy. Like, you’re not “curvy” because you ate three buckets of fried chicken for breakfast. You’re fat. And 2.) Some girls are naturally not curvy at all, and that phrase is kind of mean to them.
Take me, for instance. I would say I’m average weight, although people usually describe me as skinny, I think because I’m tall and it creates some kind of optical illusion or something. And while I have a pretty awesome ass, my ta-tas aren’t huge (although they’re still awesome. Let’s be serious.)–I’m a B-cup. Long story short, as far as I can tell, I’m a real woman (if I’m not made of people meat, no one’s noticed yet) but I don’t have textbook curves (although in college a bunch of people told me I was “skinny-curvy” and I was like, “You wack,” ’cause I am not). You see where I’m going with this? The real phrase should be, “Real Women Come in All Shapes and Sizes.”
And before I get 98 e-mails bitching me out about saying fat people aren’t curvy, I am not saying that heavier women can’t be totally gorgeous. But there is a difference between curves and fat rolls, people.
You know what though, fuck. After writing this I just feel all jumbly, because when I searched “curvy” for pictures, 99% of them were of chubby girls. So maybe I’m the retarded one and that is the technical definition of curvy. So I probably should go back and re-write this post. Or…I could just post it and let the People of the Internet see the hideous mess that is my brain. Yeah, that sounds like a better plan.