The Wild Hearts State of the Union

I haven’t posted in a week. I know, I suck. I’ve been busy doing <insert-stuff-people-do-when-they’re-busy-here> and also having extremely bizarre dreams about living in this awkward apartment on top of a really steep hill with nubbly grass that I was supposed to mow. (No one should have to do chores in their dreams. Ever. That’s like going on vacation somewhere awesome but working as the hotel maid.)

Anyway, I have nothing interesting to write, but what’s new there? Instead I am just going to write some things that are knocking around in my head on this fine fall morning (it still counts as morning if I’m still in bed, right?).

–I hate automatic things, specifically automatic toilets, sinks, and towel dispensers. The toilets either never flush, and then you have to press that tiny button which is always recessed into the wall and probably even germier than a handle, or they flush 98,735 times while you’re pulling your pants up. And talk about ruing the mood for bathroom sex.

–The game Catherine is really fun, if the demo is any indication. I abhor cheating in anything, (spoiler: the game is about this toolish commitment-phobic dude who has weird nightmares and cheats on his girlfriend, and the whole game is about if he chooses Katherine, his girlfriend, or Catherine, rando-slut) so I think the main character is a big ol’ crum-bum, but it just makes it that much more satisfying to see him get stabbed with a giant fork when I fuck up a Nightmare stage.

–Miranda Kerr is really pretty. She might be usurping Candice Swanepoel as my favorite Victoria’s Secret model, which will just devastate poor Candice, I know.

–Fall is a glorious glorious season and it should have its own holiday. Besides Halloween, which is great and amazing but is often snow-covered back home. Like an official Fall Day at the end of September, where everybody gets the day off and rolls around in leaves and drinks apple cider and wears giant sweaters. And also there should be shirtless boys wearing scarves like in an Abercrombie ad, and Golden Retriever puppies that never get bigger, and I have a billion dollars and a Porsche. Ahem. Anyway, Fall Day, whooo!

–Good posture is good. I think some people don’t realize how crap and awkward they make themselves look by hunching over like giant shirt-wearing vultures. Do you want to have sex with a vulture? If so, you go on out there and put the “best” in “bestiality.” If not, you are a normal person who should stand the fuck up straight.

I think I might consider getting out of bed now and doing something vaguely human and productive so I will have thrilling stories to share with you Internet People. Or, you know, stay in my warm cozy covers and just make up something really good.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. onceuponarecipe
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 23:26:37

    Heck yeah to the Fall holiday! Count me in!


  2. Coziest guy around
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 12:50:40

    Last night it was so cold here that I had to close windows and put on pants. I love this weather!


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