A Movie Review About a Misleadingly Named Movie (Hint: It’s Drive)

I went to see the movie Drive last night. In case you haven’t heard of it, Ryan Gosling is the main character, and Carey Mulligan is the lady-friend main character. I don’t even know how to sum up the plot, so I’ll just let IMDB do it for me: “A Hollywood stunt performer who moonlights as a wheelman discovers that a contract has been put on him after a heist gone wrong.”

Okay. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but a few things about this movie led me to believe it would have lots of car chases. First and foremost, “drive” is right in the title. It is the title, in fact. Secondly, there are cars on the posters. Third, the words “stunt performer” and “wheelman” and “heist” are all in the description, which sound like fast, car-driving words to me.

So I bopped on down to see this film, because hey, Ryan Gosling driving cars fast! Plus, it got 92% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is no mean feat. Now, to be fair, I should point out that I was pretty stoned, but if anything I think that should’ve added to the viewing experience.

Anyway, this movie was basically No Country For Old Men with the hipster levels jacked up, and the same amount of driving (which if you haven’t seen No Country, that’s my way of saying there was NOT A LOT OF DRIVING IN DRIVE). No Country is about this guy who stumbles on some big money at the site of a shootout, snatches it, and then gets tailed by the people who quiero their dinero. It’s really, really quiet, with lots of long, dramatic pauses and staring and landscape cut-scenes, but it also has Javier Bardem and is a pretty decent movie.

He doesn't look like this in the movie, I apologize.

Now, SPOILER ALERT, Drive is about this guy (RG) who is a stunt driver, who falls in love with his next-door neighbor (CM), who happens to have a husband in prison. Hubby comes home and apparently owes a lot of money to some scumbags, who beat him up and tell him they’re going to come after his wifey and kid if he doesn’t do a job for them (robbing a pawn shop). Since there were lots of long, silent scenes where Ryan Gosling was either bonding with Casey Mulligan & Son or plotting how to serial-murder them, he was upset. So he was all, “Let’s rob this pawn shop and you can pay them back for good!”

But, spoiler spoiler spoiler, the robbery goes rotten, everyone dies, and somehow Ryan Gosling gets a bag with a million dollars in it, and then the people who want the money won’t stop tailing him (even though he totally offers to give it right back). You see the similarities now? And that’s pretty much the movie, because it just sort of tails off into nothing after a lot of silences and a truly horrifying scene where Gosling steps on some guy’s head in an elevator until he is just stepping on bone/brain chunks. It’s pretty gory in some other places, too.

After I left the theater, some rando said to me, “Did anybody else understand that movie at all?” which I think is a pretty good indicator of how it made me feel. It was just kind of pointless, I guess? I feel like I got tricked into seeing an indie movie when I was trying to watch The Fast and the Furious. Also, no one is that quiet. Someone would say something and NO ONE would respond, and that was just the norm. If I said something important to someone and they just sat there like a meat Popsicle, I would be all, “Hey, um, I’m trying to have a conversation, so do you maybe want to fucking TALK? Also, how about going on a car chase with me?”

But I somehow didn’t hate it. I feel mixed-up about it, like falling in like with your stepbrother. Go watch it for yourself, maybe, and see what you think? (And also, don’t hook up with stepsiblings. It was just a joke. Don’t take them on a date to see Drive, either, because that’s just weird.)

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bedroomtails
    Oct 03, 2011 @ 14:41:22

    OOOOO what I’d do to Ryan Gosling!
    First of all I’d smack him over the head with a frying pan, then I’d drag him (effortlessly with my angelic strength obviously) to a white derelict house where I’d pretend to be her from notebook and he can just be in ME.
    And instead he can be my boyfriend!
    Real life of course
    (WAKE UP NIK)

    Reply

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