A lovely reader suggested that I write about aphrodisiacs, so guess what? I’m going to write a post that doesn’t mention aphrodisiacs at all, besides those two times I just did mention aphrodisiacs. Damn it, I mentioned them again! Well, I might as well just go with it.
Aphrodisiacs, according to the never-wrong Wikipedia, are “substances that increase sexual desire.” Some of my favorites are whipped cream, lingerie, and–oh, wait, I got confused. (But seriously, in my opinion, getting dressed in a garter belt and some stockings is going to “increase your man’s/whoa-man’s sexual desire” a lot more than any aphrodisiac.)
However, I can’t argue with science, and science says that there is some stuff you can use to
roofie your significant other make your significant other want you even more than they already do. According to this helpful article, and this one, some of these things are great for gettin’ it in:
- Oysters. Apparently, they resemble the vag, and that is supposed to be sexy. Except the oysters in the picture look like someone’s lady parts after they got attacked by a flame thrower, so I think only really “special” people would find that a turn-on.
- Chocolate. This one, I can agree with. There’s some boring sciencey reasons why (phenylethylamine and serotonin are in chocolate, and they get all freaky with your brain’s pleasure centers), but I am really not going to argue with anyone who says eating more chocolate is going to get me laid.
- Nuts. Not the ones in your dude’s pants, unless he is the sort of guy who puts peanuts down his trousers. In which case, you probably shouldn’t want to have sex with him. But they’re antioxidant-y and that makes your blood pump better…to all the parts of your body. Rawr.
- Cinnamon. No article told me this, but it is a widely known fact. At least, among everyone smart and awesome I know. I am addicted to cinnamon gum, and trust, people like to kiss people who taste/smell like cinnamon. You know why? Because cinnamon is awesome and delicious.
- Booze. This one is stupid, but factual. It also really gets people in the mood if you toss in a couple tabs of E! (Don’t do that, freak.)
Yay! Now you know
how to trick people into wanting you how to seduce people! I kid, I kid; everybody needs to spice things up (ha! See, cinnamon = spice! Get it? Get it?) now and again. But I recommend some lingerie to go with your chocolate-covered rum-fried oyster dinner.