New Year’s Resolutions

Ten percent of all New Year’s Resolutions fail, according to some magazine I recently leafed through. New Year’s Resolutions are like trendy clothes–you’re crazy about them at first, start to get a little tired and bored of them, and finally, you ditch them. Let’s face it, challenging yourself to start the Insanity workout the day after the year’s biggest binge-drinking fest is not exactly a stellar idea.

Which is why you should just resolve to do easy stuff! Exercising, diets, doing that whole no-shampoo hair thing–these are all great, but they’re lifestyle changes, and they need to be contingent upon a real desire to change, not a drunken promise you made on December 31st. In my humble opinion, New Year’s Resolutions should be fun. Now, I personally don’t make any, because I’m not a nerd, but if that’s your thing, I’ve compiled a few you might try. Ditch your new gym membership, put down that lean salmon, and listen up.

New Year’s Resolutions Anyone Can Actually Stick To!

  1. Try a new hairstyle once every week. All year. It’s going to be hilarious (after the usuals, you’re going to have to get creative–hope you look good in cornrows!) and a great excuse to spend tons of money on hair products.
  2. Invent your own signature cocktail (and then teach it to the bartenders every time you go out). When the “[Your Name Here]” becomes a thing, and all the sorority girls are ordering it at the pub, you’ll thank me.
  3. Get a pet. Animals are extremely funny and do weird, entertaining things all the time. If you hate animals, get a cat–they’ll hate you too, and they’ll still be entertaining!
  4. Learn a stupid skill that will get you laid. You know what drunk people love? Stupid tricks. Not everyone can do a cartwheel or spit sunflower seeds into a shot glass–these are life skills! 2013 is your year, baby.
  5. Eat a food you’ve never tried every month, for all 12 of ’em. And I mean never. Here comes uglyfruit, zebra meat, and caviar (for those with a previously unsophisticated palette). You’re welcome!

Ok, go!

We’re All Creatures Here

It’s one of those cold wet rainy fall days where all I want to do is curl up in my blankets and sleep. Preferably with a cup of cinnamon-spiked cocoa with forty million pounds of whipped cream on top. Just like a cat (except for the hot cocoa part.)

Seriously, look at these lucky bastards:

Although, given the weather here, I think I’d rather be all snuggled up like this ginger:

Instead my heavily tattooed boyfriend forces me to reapply my makeup the second I wake up.

Yeah, not so much. But even their room looks so cozy to me. That is the level of my tiredness, when I check out that flat-ass mattress and think, “Mmm, bedtime.”

Sadly, not yet por moi. Also I am hungry. And also I have just realized my thought process is only slightly higher than that of my furry friends: sleep sleep sleep eat sleep. Whatever. We’re all creatures here.

Meowpurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.