I’m White on Rice

It’s officially summertime for me. Which means a lot of great things, like eating watermelon and riding my bike and playing tennis and finally getting to swim in water instead of chlorine. But one the best things about summer is that I will no longer look like Casper the Friendly Tool Ghost.

I mean, I really need to spell this out for you, Internet. You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, every white person is pale in the winter, shut up.” In which case you’re kind of harshing my mellow, but it’s fine, I’ll forgive you. Anyway. That might be true, but I am paler than all of them. I practically glow in the dark. I am so white that a polar bear in a snowstorm looks Brasilian in comparison.

So, I like to be tan. And now that there is sunshine in the world again, people will stop trying to put carrots on my nose because they think I’m a snowman. What a relief!


Whip Your Hurr

I wish I was a little ballsier with my hair color. I have only dyed it weirdly once (bright, cherry-berry Ariel red), and it was an accident (I was trying to go auburn). My natural hair color is this weird dirty blonde-gray combo, so I’ve been highlighting it since basically forever. But then I had the classic movie-like First Big Breakup and revenge-dyed my hair like, slutty blonde–way lighter than my natural color. Which was fine, until the horrible roots grew in like five inches.

So. I just re-dyed my hair (the terrible Breakup du juor was a while ago–three different guys ago, in fact–but my hair grows ridiculously slowly) to something kind of (but not really) resembling my natural color (who the fuck would buy “ugly gray-blonde”? They don’t sell that shit in stores). But I can’t help wishing I would just pull a Cowardly-Lion-at-the-end-of-The-Wizard-of-Oz and be brave for once in my life. And do something crazy, like blue highlights.

I mean, this?

She totally pulls it off. But one of the biggest reasons I’m too lazy to dye my hair a crazy color is because…

a.) I may be the laziest person who has ever lived (well, okay, I come in second to those people to have to be cut out of their trailers, maybe), and…

b.) I’m broke.

Those two things don’t really make me want to spend $$$ on dye every, like, month. And then there’s c.), I’m a huge chicken.

But I was thinking…if it’s just highlights, and not all-over color, maybe it won’t be so awful when it grows out? And so now I’m thinking I want pale turquoise or teal highlights underneath my hair. Stupid? Probably. Awesome? Also probably. Kinda like this, but a little lighter:

Like this gorgeous color, but only little pieces of it:

The big question is, will I do it? And the big answer is probably not, because I suck, but at least I can drool over hair I will never have. C’est la vie. I’m just going to go binge-drink and fishtail braid while crying.