Agua

Drinking water is hard.

No, seriously. According to all those people who make up the food pyramid (which they probably do while stuffing donuts in their faces and laughing about how people actually eat 18 servings of whole grains day), you’re supposed to drink eight eight-once glasses a day. Which is about two liters.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m just not that thirsty. But I like to be healthy and have good skin, and all the supermodels say they chug water like I chug vodka, so there has to be some connection there. (Or they’re in cahoots with the food pyramid-people, but that is just too big a conspiracy to tackle in one post. But I’m going to be mad if it turns out I could healthily eat a dozen donuts every day.)

So, in the interest of health, I strolled out the other day and bought myself a snazzy new water bottle. Three of them make two liters, so I thought to myself, “Huzzah, I only have to drink three of these a day!” (I didn’t actually think “huzzah.” What am I, a preacher?) Alas, it was not that simple.

  • Water Bottle #1: Ahh, I feel nice and refreshed after drinking that! I’m also pretty full. Gosh, that is a lot of water I just drank. Hey, is that my stomach sloshing around while I walk? I’m like a human water balloon! Cool!
  • Water Bottle #2: I am really not thirsty at all. And I kind of have to pee. A lot. And I just went to the bathroom! What if water just starts leaking out my face or something? Wait, is that why tears happen? I wonder if dehydrated people can cry. Ugh, I would rather think about that then drink the rest of this giant water bottle. And now it’s kind of warm, ewww.
  • Water Bottle #3: UGH WHY WHY I WANT TO BE IN A DESERT I NEVER WANT TO DRINK AGAIN PLEASE SOMEONE COME PUT ME OUT MY MISERY AND GIVE ME A BOTTLE OF SAND INSTEAD.

Okay, so it’s not quite that dramatic, and I am sure plenty of people happily guzzle down a lake’s worth of water and blah blah blah. And I know I am lucky to have too much agua instead of the other way around. But seriously, that is a lot of water.