Good Gifts for Your Hairdresser & Manicurist

I picked up a copy of the December Allure last night, and it was a real treat, like all magazines. Magazines are like candy that you read. They’re so glossy and shiny and beautiful, and, just like candy, you enjoy them for a little while and then they’re gone (read: you threw them out because you got sick of the cover model’s face staring up at you from your coffee table).

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But one little segment in Allure caught my eye. It was a section–a whole section–on good holiday gifts for your service people. Specifically, your hairdresser and your manicurist  “Why, how marrrrrvelous!” I declared. “I was looking for a good gift for Mr. Fekkai!” Oh, wait, no I didn’t, because I don’t have a hairdresser or a manicurist  The suggestion was probably written by one, actually, since they suggested you buy them a wallet or a cashmere scarf.

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Now, I am all for gifting to the people that help make your day a little brighter. And I am sure that hairdressers and manicurists deserve a lot of cashmere scarves considering the insufferable people they have to make small talk to all day. But who the hell does Allure think is reading Allure?! I’m sure some richies do pick it up, but since it also sits next to the Reese’s Cups at the Wegman’s checkout, I’d say a lot more non-riches are regular readers. And who really needs advise on what to get their hairdresser? If you’re swank enough to have your own (which is now a personal dream of mine, after reading that article–it sounds pretty fab) and have the resources to buy them luxe presents, I think you–or your personal shopper–probably already have that on lock.

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That being said, I will do anyone’s nails for a cashmere sweater.

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Scissoring

I am considering getting a haircut. (Ahhh, see what I did there? With the title? And you perverts thinking it was a sex thing? But really it was about scissors, because of…okay, yeah, I think you got it.)

Seriously, though, I want one. I am trying to grow my hair out, so I don’t really want them to touch the ends. I just want a sort of side bangs-that-meld-with-the-rest-of-my-hair thing. Kinda like this:

Or maybe something like this:

There are two problems with this brilliant idea of mine, however. Number One is that I am scared. I have had some seriously bad haircutting experiences, including a hairdresser who yelled at me the entire time for straightening my hair (“I can tell you do it. I mean, it’s really obvious. These dead ends…God! Seriously, you need to not do that. It’s so bad for your hair. I mean, your hair is really damaged. Like, really damaged.” Why do you think I’m getting a haircut, genius?) and about fifty whose idea of a “little trim” is scalping me. And Number Two is that I have really fine, thin hair and I’m not sure that it’ll look anything like how I want it to.

So, if it doesn’t work out, I have a backup plan: a blonde-and-blue mullet.

Secretly, I’m just hoping I can finagle some way to side-sweep the hair I already do have into that cool side-bangs thing. I mean, I have shorter hair in the front, so what is their secret? Hairspray? Crisco? Newt’s eyes? Some kind of lube-and-Elmer’s glue concoction? This better not be like the mysterious Coca-Cola formula, because I wanna know.