Gaelic Is Obviously What’s Up

I kind of wish I had a cool cultural background with lots of weird traditions. I feel like that’s the one place where Whitey really gets the short end of the stick. I was watching Modern Family (so sue me, I have a soft spot for family-oriented comedy shows) and Sofia Vergara’s character talked about some Colombian tradition where you “scare” the food to respect the dead, or something. And my friend eats twelve fish for Christmas, and my other friend has these giant magical family get-togethers with all their native food. And a blogger I read (Doe Deere) has all these awesome, weirdly specific Russian traditions (don’t give scarves as gifts and don’t take out the trash at night).

Do you know what I have? MTV and macaroni.

Not really. But I’m just your typical Eurotrash (mostly mostly Mick with some English), with a pinch of Ottowa Indian (seriously) and French Canadian. And when I say “pinch” I mean like one drop of blood running in my veins. So I don’t know any cool rain dances or how to stretch deer hide. Also people usually mistake me for Norwegian, so I obviously am not really repping the dark-skinned heritage.

My family’s traditions include opening one present on Christmas Eve, andddd…um. Yeah. That’s what we do.

Basically I’m just going to learn a bunch of Gaelic and pretend I grew up with it to add interest to my life. That’s what’s up.