MySpace Surveys

Remember MySpace surveys? Fuck, remember MySpace? Well, I found one, and being the creative individual that I am, that’s my blog post for today! Maybe my “Online Now” button is also flashing while I am listening to Simple Plan and crimping my hair, because MYSPACE.

Anyway, here goes. It’s so long, and so, so uninteresting. I tried to make it funny with my charm and wit, but come on. I’m only human. Besides, I am way more curious about the people who thoughtfully take the time to put together these lists and then watched them spread through MySpace about as fast as herpes spreads through, well, MySpace.

  • 1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No. He’s a great chap, but–how should I put this? I’d rather turn my own skin inside out and walk around like that all day.
  • 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Incorrect. You don’t know me!
  • 3. Have you taken someones virginity? At gunpoint!
  • 4. Is trust a big issue for you? No, why? Did someone tell you I have trust issues? It’s my mom, isn’t it! Isn’t it!
  • 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? LAME. Ugh, God, I’m having ‘Nam-style 8th-grade flashbacks when you didn’t date/fuck/”talk to” people, you “liked” them.
  • 6. What are you excited for? This survey to end.
  • 7. What happened tonight? This question doesn’t make sense. It’s only 7:00 PM. It’s not even “tonight.” The fuck I look like, a fortune-teller?
  • 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Ask my liquor cabinet.
  • 9. Is confidence cute? EWWWWWW STOP 8TH GRADE.
  • 10. What is the last beverage you had? An Orange Julius and it was so fucking good.
  • 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? All of them, teehee! Let’s all go to my house and take roofies!
  • 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Lots.
  • 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Fuck your mother, James. (40-Year-Old Virgin, anyone? No?)
  • 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Hunting down and torturing the creator of this survey.
  • 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yes, we’re totally “going steady” and he even holds my hand in public!
  • 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Well, I feel that wearing clothes for 3 months straight might be a little constrictive of my fashion sense, so yes.
  • 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? You, survey. You.
  • 18. The last time you felt broken? SHUT UP.
  • 19. Have you had sex today? Me-ow.
  • 20. Are you starting to realize anything? Whatthefuck?
  • 21. Are you in a good mood? I was, before I started taking this survey, and now I just feel horribly locked into it.
  • 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Maybe yes.
  • 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes.
  • 24. What do you want right this second? I believe we’ve discussed how much I want to stop filling out this survey.
  • 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Adios, muchacho!
  • 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Mostly.
  • 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No, I am not a robot.
  • 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A really funny-looking mall cop.
  • 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes.
  • 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? It depends on what. Ew, gross, I feel like I’m giving sincere answers now. Stop it, survey!
  • 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
  • 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
  • 34. Listening to?
  • 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
  • 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
  • 37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
  • 38. Who did you last call?
  • 39. Who was the last person you danced with?
  • 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
  • 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
  • 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
  • 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
  • 44. Do you tan in the nude?
  • 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
  • 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
  • 47. Who was the last person to call you?
  • 48. Do you sing in the shower?
  • 49. Do you dance in the car?
  • 50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
  • 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
  • 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
  • 53. Is Christmas stressful?
  • 54. Ever eat a pierogi?
  • 55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
  • 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
  • 57. Do you believe in ghosts?
  • 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
  • 59. Take a vitamin daily?
  • 60. Wear slippers?
  • 61. Wear a bath robe?
  • 62. What do you wear to bed?
  • 63. First concert?
  • 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
  • 65. Nike or Adidas?
  • 66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
  • 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
  • 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
  • 69. Ever take dance lessons?
  • 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
  • 71. Can you curl your tongue?
  • 72. Ever won a spelling bee?
  • 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
  • 74. What is your favorite book?
  • 75. Do you study better with or without music?
  • 76. Regularly burn incense?
  • 77. Ever been in love?
  • 78. Who would you like to see in concert?
  • 79. What was the last concert you saw?
  • 80. Hot tea or cold tea?
  • 81. Tea or coffee?
  • 82. Favorite type of cookie?
  • 83. Can you swim well?
  • 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
  • 85. Are you patient?
  • 86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
  • 87. Ever won a contest?
  • 88. Ever have plastic surgery?
  • 89. Which are better black or green olives?
  • 90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
  • 91. Best room for a fireplace?
  • 92. Do you want to get married?

Do you see how much more there was? How much horrible, horrible survey? How did we do it, people? HOW?

What Google Thinks About You

Hey there! Are you a snoop? Would you consider yourself “nosy”?  Do you share a computer? Do you enjoy invading people’s privacy and/or learning things about them without their knowledge? Or, failing that, do you want to know more about yourself based on the ramblings of a crazy random Internet girl (me)? Well, then, this is the post for you!

What Your Google Searches Say About You (You Sick Freak, You)

If you commonly search things like: bars with no covers, beer, mixed drink special at Blarney’s Pub, how to make own mojitos, cheap vodka, my x-byofriedn’s neumbr becux heis nit nioce

Then it means: You’re probably a raging alcoholic, typically college-aged, but you don’t realize it because everyone you know is also a raging alcoholic! You might also be a slut.

If you commonly search things like: boobs, Asian girls, jugs, girl-on-girl, ostrich porn, live sex videos

Then it means: You’re really into ostrich porn. Oh, and maybe also other kinds. You’re probably a seventeen-year-old boy, or a twenty-seven-year-old boy, or a thirty-seven-year-old boy.

If you commonly search things like: The Wild Hearts WordPress, stupid blogs, blogs where girl talks about dumb things

Then it means: You’re awesome.

Also, this is the "pictures of people with animal heads" post. Just in case you were wondering.

Wasn’t that helpful? I hope you have learned all about yourselves, People of the Internet. As ever, I’m happy to assist you.